Bilingual Thoughts | Gânduri Bilingve

the soundtrack to this post Why do I yearn for the validation of those who so clearly don’t want to give it to me?   Why do I invest time and feelings in those who so clearly can’t or won’t reciprocate them?   Why do I compare myself so much to those who’ve hurt me or who continue to do so?   Why do I so viscerally need the acceptance of those who so clearly show me they will not fully accept me for me?   Why do I over share and over give to those who I know cannot or will not hold a safe space for me?   I often wonder if to some degree I enjoy the pain or whether my trauma has destined me to forever be a victim in all my relationships.   A few years back or maybe even half a year back I would’ve stopped writing this entry with the above sentence. It would’ve been a way to vent, to let things out without any real reflection. I would’ve brought up the pain from the dark corners of my mind and soul, fully felt it, cried and let it simmer. And with it simmering away I would’ve gone to bed