Bilingual Thoughts | Gânduri Bilingve

This post is accompanied by the following video: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmtTgvSoIOL/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= To me emotional healing comes in many different ways. And I’m not using 'healing' as a fancy word for some abstract concept. I feel my emotional wounds most days. Sometimes I am faced with them in the most banal moments. They are very real to me and actively affect the way I live my life. Which is why I’ve made a conscious choice to heal them. To toss in the bin any preconceived, simplistic notion that emotional healing is some ‘bogus pretentious thing that people with no real problems do’. Not everyone has the privilege and resources to identify their emotional wounds and acquire the tools to address them, yes, that’s very true. But that doesn’t mean that their emotional wounds aren’t there or aren’t worthy of healing. I’m aware of the privileged position I am in for having the context and the resources which allow me to even utter the words ‘emotional healing’.

the soundtrack to this post Why do I yearn for the validation of those who so clearly don’t want to give it to me?   Why do I invest time and feelings in those who so clearly can’t or won’t reciprocate them?   Why do I compare myself so much to those who’ve hurt me or who continue to do so?   Why do I so viscerally need the acceptance of those who so clearly show me they will not fully accept me for me?   Why do I over share and over give to those who I know cannot or will not hold a safe space for me?   I often wonder if to some degree I enjoy the pain or whether my trauma has destined me to forever be a victim in all my relationships.   A few years back or maybe even half a year back I would’ve stopped writing this entry with the above sentence. It would’ve been a way to vent, to let things out without any real reflection. I would’ve brought up the pain from the dark corners of my mind and soul, fully felt it, cried and let it simmer. And with it simmering away I would’ve gone to bed